[No, no, of course he can’t shut his brain off that easily. Not right now. But maybe the next best thing is being struck absolutely dumb by the image of Kojiro struggling that much for words, or whispering his secrets into the darkness. He’s always made it seem so easy to live life on feeling and impulse and sometimes too much casual boldness. But even for Kojiro, there are things he can’t say. Or, couldn’t say, anyway. Because the way he lets it all come spilling out now seems way too easy again, and Kaoru feels like he might really cry. Not just because he doesn’t know how to say all those things himself, but also out of relief. Happiness. His chest aches but he’s so, so happy.]
I never knew. I never thought— god, it didn’t even seem like a possibility. So I just…
[Moved on? No, not really. It could hardly be called that when he kept himself permanently glued to Kojiro’s side all the same. But he accepted to the extent that he could that Kojiro would have some new girl hanging off his arm all too often, and maybe Kaoru would find some equivalent someday, but they’d still be together. He’d even been able to convince himself that it would all be simple for a time. While it was all mostly theoretical, anyway.]
I thought maybe you’d be relieved that I found someone. Because I wouldn’t have to rely on you as much all the time.
Kaoru. I've always been happy that you can rely on me.
[ It's too earnest to be anything but truth. There are plenty of things about Kaoru that irritate the fuck out of him (and vice-versa, because they've never been anything less than antagonistic toward one another), but Kojiro's never considered him to be a burden. ]
I'd do anything for you. Because I want to, not because I feel obligated. I know you can take care of yourself, and you do a damn good job of it. But you're too hard on yourself, so you make things harder than they have to be sometimes.
So you can rely on me all you want. Let me spoil you a little. Let me help you stop thinking for a couple minutes. ...or hours, if you ever want.
[ Kojiro's grin goes a little sideways. He really is talking too much. Kaoru would be within his rights to smack him. ]
There's so much to love about you. Even when we're driving each other up a damn wall, there's too much to love, and I always thought so.
So don't ever think I want you anywhere but right by my side. Okay?
[Not that he doesn't believe it. It's just baffling to Kaoru, who's already feeling embarrassed over things he's said earlier in the evening, that Kojiro can just keep gushing like this like it's nothing. Kaoru's only defense, even just listening to all that, is to bury his face in Kojiro's chest and try not to whine. Not that being here is making him blush any less. This is truly impossible. He should at least be able to say "thank you" or something! But the baffled frustration bubbles up instead.]
I can never pay all of that back! You know I can't! You really think you had to do anything to deserve me? You need to value yourself a little more!
[Even now, Kaoru is knocking all of this as much off balance as he always does. Kojiro is being so sweet and caring and good, talking like he stepped out of a damn romance novel with no irony or insincerity at all, and all Kaoru can do is frantically complain about it instead of just being quiet and grateful the way he wishes he could be.]
[ Obviously they're not who they were in high school. They've grown, arguably matured, and part of Kojiro's journey was learning the patience that came with self-security. Cooking, studying abroad, opening the restaurant; that was all a huge part of it. Cultivating his skating style was an even bigger part. And through it all, morphing with him through all their many changes?
Kaoru. His very own cherry blossom. The one steadfast presence through Kojiro's entire life, gorgeous and constant as the springtime bloom.
Kaoru's trying to burrow in deep, trying to hide himself away; like he can't bear to so much as look at Kojiro, like he'd rather melt into him instead. Because it's a lot to hear. It's a lot to believe. The waspish response is nothing new, and it only serves to settle deep and warm in Kojiro's chest.
Kojiro's never needed grand gestures or gratitude. All he's ever wanted -- needed, more than anyone else in this world -- is Kaoru in his life. So his hands move to spread over Kaoru's back, to wind tight around his shoulders and slowly, gently shower his face with kisses. ]
We're not some kinda unbalanced equation, beautiful. [ Kojiro says in the space between kisses. ] Just let me keep loving you. And I'll meet you where you are, same as always.
[Well… good. He huffs. It still sits precarious in his chest that Kojiro ever thought there was anything he needed to prove or change—anything that Kaoru could have required beyond who Kojiro already was and had always been.
But at least he knows better now. At least he’s gotten to a place where he’s making confident promises about everything he can be for Kaoru. He should, because most of what he’s promising is what he’s already been doing from day one, anyway. Kojiro should definitely know that. He should never spend another moment doubting his immovable place in Kaoru’s life as protector and haven.
Once again, Kaoru finds he can’t say a single word of that out loud. The words that would come easier are still frenetic and discordant. But he can at least chase Kojiro’s lips again. Soak into the warmth of everything he offers. Try to accept that nothing will fall apart just because his brain still wants to leap to the negative and unsettled things that don’t match Kojiro’s soothing energy at all.]
You know what you’re signing yourself up for, don’t you?
[ What you're signing up for; like it's some god-awful, arduous labor. He's always known what he was getting into with Kaoru, and he's gone happily, again and again and again. And for that matter, Kojiro's never backed down from Kaoru in even the smallest way, never shrank to his venom, never saw the sense in running from something (someone) that feels like his destiny. Fate. Purpose.
Maybe it's too dramatic to frame it like that. Maybe it's as simple as this; that this is exactly where Kojiro is meant to be. Trapped beneath Kaoru's body, crushed against his lips, chained within his heart, and so incredibly full from all of it.
He knows perfectly well what he's signing up for. And Kaoru's gonna know too, in murmured affirmations from the mouth that's suddenly dragging down the side of his throat. ]
Signing up for everything I ever wanted. Getting you right where I want you. Keeping you there forever, whether you like it or not.
[ His teeth find Kaoru's skin next, welt in a trail of pretty red from his jaw right down to his shoulder. ]
Do you know what you're signing up for? 'Cause I promise you, I'm gonna love you like you've never been loved before.
[His breath eases out of him in a hot sigh as he tilts his head, opens up a path for Kojiro's mouth. It's good, unfailingly so good, to have a counterpoint to the worries that still feel unsettled. Part of him wants to air every bit of it all at once so he'll never have to come back to it again, but... there are goosebumps raising on his skin now. Maybe shelving everything that isn't this for now isn't such a bad idea.]
You say that like I haven't handled you just fine this whole time.
[Everything and nothing has changed. Kojiro is unrestrained now, and every movement is full of the kind of adoration that Kaoru has been longing for in the loneliest corner of his heart for years. That much is true. At the same time, he's felt the ghost of that same adoration before, countless times, when it must have slipped out while neither of them had their guards up quite enough. He can recognise it from the glances in his periphery--this thing that is now fully impressed into his flesh, branding him. It's familiar and new all at once.
And, like hell is he going to lose to it.]
Do your worst. I won't go easy on you, either.
this can probably be the bow on this thread, if you're good with that
[ As far as Kojiro's concerned, that's a promise. He's wanted everything, all of Kaoru, for what feels like an eternity. It'd be a tragedy of the highest order if Kaoru went soft on him now.
Kojiro isn't sure how long they stay like that. How long he spends running careful hands over every part of Kaoru that he can reach, or how thoroughly he memorizes the skin he finds. How long he dedicates himself to the task of dutifully kissing every naked piece that Kaoru will spare to him. It could be minutes, it could be hours. It could be an eternity. He could do this for an eternity, worship Kaoru's body until time stops, and he still wouldn't have enough of it.
But for now, this is more than enough. It might not be their first step together, but it certainly won't be their last, and Kojiro doesn't want to walk this path with anyone but Kaoru by his side. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beefyspaghetti) wrote2021-05-08 06:09 pm
no subject
I never knew. I never thought— god, it didn’t even seem like a possibility. So I just…
[Moved on? No, not really. It could hardly be called that when he kept himself permanently glued to Kojiro’s side all the same. But he accepted to the extent that he could that Kojiro would have some new girl hanging off his arm all too often, and maybe Kaoru would find some equivalent someday, but they’d still be together. He’d even been able to convince himself that it would all be simple for a time. While it was all mostly theoretical, anyway.]
I thought maybe you’d be relieved that I found someone. Because I wouldn’t have to rely on you as much all the time.
no subject
[ It's too earnest to be anything but truth. There are plenty of things about Kaoru that irritate the fuck out of him (and vice-versa, because they've never been anything less than antagonistic toward one another), but Kojiro's never considered him to be a burden. ]
I'd do anything for you. Because I want to, not because I feel obligated. I know you can take care of yourself, and you do a damn good job of it. But you're too hard on yourself, so you make things harder than they have to be sometimes.
So you can rely on me all you want. Let me spoil you a little. Let me help you stop thinking for a couple minutes. ...or hours, if you ever want.
[ Kojiro's grin goes a little sideways. He really is talking too much. Kaoru would be within his rights to smack him. ]
There's so much to love about you. Even when we're driving each other up a damn wall, there's too much to love, and I always thought so.
So don't ever think I want you anywhere but right by my side. Okay?
no subject
[Not that he doesn't believe it. It's just baffling to Kaoru, who's already feeling embarrassed over things he's said earlier in the evening, that Kojiro can just keep gushing like this like it's nothing. Kaoru's only defense, even just listening to all that, is to bury his face in Kojiro's chest and try not to whine. Not that being here is making him blush any less. This is truly impossible. He should at least be able to say "thank you" or something! But the baffled frustration bubbles up instead.]
I can never pay all of that back! You know I can't! You really think you had to do anything to deserve me? You need to value yourself a little more!
[Even now, Kaoru is knocking all of this as much off balance as he always does. Kojiro is being so sweet and caring and good, talking like he stepped out of a damn romance novel with no irony or insincerity at all, and all Kaoru can do is frantically complain about it instead of just being quiet and grateful the way he wishes he could be.]
no subject
[ Obviously they're not who they were in high school. They've grown, arguably matured, and part of Kojiro's journey was learning the patience that came with self-security. Cooking, studying abroad, opening the restaurant; that was all a huge part of it. Cultivating his skating style was an even bigger part. And through it all, morphing with him through all their many changes?
Kaoru. His very own cherry blossom. The one steadfast presence through Kojiro's entire life, gorgeous and constant as the springtime bloom.
Kaoru's trying to burrow in deep, trying to hide himself away; like he can't bear to so much as look at Kojiro, like he'd rather melt into him instead. Because it's a lot to hear. It's a lot to believe. The waspish response is nothing new, and it only serves to settle deep and warm in Kojiro's chest.
Kojiro's never needed grand gestures or gratitude. All he's ever wanted -- needed, more than anyone else in this world -- is Kaoru in his life. So his hands move to spread over Kaoru's back, to wind tight around his shoulders and slowly, gently shower his face with kisses. ]
We're not some kinda unbalanced equation, beautiful. [ Kojiro says in the space between kisses. ] Just let me keep loving you. And I'll meet you where you are, same as always.
no subject
But at least he knows better now. At least he’s gotten to a place where he’s making confident promises about everything he can be for Kaoru. He should, because most of what he’s promising is what he’s already been doing from day one, anyway. Kojiro should definitely know that. He should never spend another moment doubting his immovable place in Kaoru’s life as protector and haven.
Once again, Kaoru finds he can’t say a single word of that out loud. The words that would come easier are still frenetic and discordant. But he can at least chase Kojiro’s lips again. Soak into the warmth of everything he offers. Try to accept that nothing will fall apart just because his brain still wants to leap to the negative and unsettled things that don’t match Kojiro’s soothing energy at all.]
You know what you’re signing yourself up for, don’t you?
no subject
[ What you're signing up for; like it's some god-awful, arduous labor. He's always known what he was getting into with Kaoru, and he's gone happily, again and again and again. And for that matter, Kojiro's never backed down from Kaoru in even the smallest way, never shrank to his venom, never saw the sense in running from something (someone) that feels like his destiny. Fate. Purpose.
Maybe it's too dramatic to frame it like that. Maybe it's as simple as this; that this is exactly where Kojiro is meant to be. Trapped beneath Kaoru's body, crushed against his lips, chained within his heart, and so incredibly full from all of it.
He knows perfectly well what he's signing up for. And Kaoru's gonna know too, in murmured affirmations from the mouth that's suddenly dragging down the side of his throat. ]
Signing up for everything I ever wanted. Getting you right where I want you. Keeping you there forever, whether you like it or not.
[ His teeth find Kaoru's skin next, welt in a trail of pretty red from his jaw right down to his shoulder. ]
Do you know what you're signing up for? 'Cause I promise you, I'm gonna love you like you've never been loved before.
You ready for that?
no subject
You say that like I haven't handled you just fine this whole time.
[Everything and nothing has changed. Kojiro is unrestrained now, and every movement is full of the kind of adoration that Kaoru has been longing for in the loneliest corner of his heart for years. That much is true. At the same time, he's felt the ghost of that same adoration before, countless times, when it must have slipped out while neither of them had their guards up quite enough. He can recognise it from the glances in his periphery--this thing that is now fully impressed into his flesh, branding him. It's familiar and new all at once.
And, like hell is he going to lose to it.]
Do your worst. I won't go easy on you, either.
this can probably be the bow on this thread, if you're good with that
[ As far as Kojiro's concerned, that's a promise. He's wanted everything, all of Kaoru, for what feels like an eternity. It'd be a tragedy of the highest order if Kaoru went soft on him now.
Kojiro isn't sure how long they stay like that. How long he spends running careful hands over every part of Kaoru that he can reach, or how thoroughly he memorizes the skin he finds. How long he dedicates himself to the task of dutifully kissing every naked piece that Kaoru will spare to him. It could be minutes, it could be hours. It could be an eternity. He could do this for an eternity, worship Kaoru's body until time stops, and he still wouldn't have enough of it.
But for now, this is more than enough. It might not be their first step together, but it certainly won't be their last, and Kojiro doesn't want to walk this path with anyone but Kaoru by his side. ]